Back in the summer of 2010 I made a big decision. It was a decision that was difficult to keep private, despite its very personal nature. It was difficult, because it was both personal and public at the same time, and intimately related to being female. So what was my big decision? Here was the blog I wrote about it:
“What Makes Being A Woman Amazing”
(…or “What I’m Buying and Why I’ll Be Absent a While”)
Recently I made a decision to purchase what I consider to be a very nice gift to myself. It is something I have wanted for a very long time and something that will have lasting value. Indeed, it is something I will literally enjoy the benefit of on a daily basis for the rest of my life. Although expensive, when viewed in light of its longevity and in terms of the quality of the item, it is most definitely worth the price.
And to my surprise, I have discovered people have a rather strong opinion about what I have decided to give myself. People, without fail, have a reaction to my sharing. Some share my enthusiasm, some are judgmental, some are surprised, and some others are probably hiding from me what they really think.
So what in the world am I buying for myself? Well, first let me tell you why I’m buying it.
I have a clear idea of how I imagine a woman who has reached her full potential appears in the world. She is beautiful. She is strong. She is intelligent. She is feminine, sexy, active, witty, educated, and fun. I think a woman can be athletic and attractive at the same time. I know this, in part, because of CrossFit and the women who populate the CrossFit community.
And yet, working out can in some cases affect the feminine side of things. Which brings me to my purchase…
I love being a girl. I love being girlie. I know, some of you are thinking, “You lift heavy stuff and punch things and I’ve never seen you in a skirt.” Well, that’s just because you only see me at the gym. I love manicures, I love high heels, I love make-up and mini skirts, and I love being a girl. I love being shaped like a girl.
And herein lies the problem – the fitter I get and the leaner I get, the more my naturally unshapely upper body becomes, well, increasingly unshapely. Decreased body fat is nice for your abs…but not so much for your girl parts. I didn’t start with a whole lot and I don’t have a lot to spare.
For many years I’ve wished things were a little different, even previous to CrossFit. Today, I feel fitter and happier than I’ve ever been, and more beautiful than ever before in my life. I am diligent about caring for my body on every level. But there’s always that one thing…that I just wish was different…that I picture differently in my head…and I believe that if something is a consistent complaint, you either accept it and get over it, or you do something about it. And as of now, I’m doing something about it.
At 8:00am this coming Thursday morning I’ll become the proud owner of a set of breast implants. I am considering it an early birthday present to myself and I’m really genuinely excited about it. I can’t wait to fit my clothes better and feel even more feminine, beautiful and complete. I’ll have to take some time off from working out, which honestly, is one of the main reasons I hadn’t done the procedure before. But for me, I feel like the downtime will be an investment for me and in me. An investment in feeling whole and creating myself and my life as I dream them to be.
Which is what it comes back to for me and why I want to speak about this publicly – being a complete woman means I can be strong, I can be muscular, I can be feminine and if I want to rock a mini-skirt I can do that, too. I don’t have to feel bad about being muscular. I don’t have to feel bad about wanting to be a girlie-girl. One doesn’t take away from the other and in fact, it’s what makes being a woman amazing.
Becca I am so proud of your decision to do things that make you feel like a better you! I know that it is hard to keep your figure in the right places when building and losing. I am kinda going through the same thing. Thank you so much for sharing!!
I think it’s great that you are strong, smart and independent woman who has the will and the bravery to live life they way you choose. I am really happy for you. It’s not easy to attain the things that make one’s life better, but when it does happen, the sense of accomplishment is oh so sweet. Thanks for sharing.
Good for you! I actually did the exact same thing a little over 3 years ago before I was even introduced to CrossFit. I had very little up top and was always very self conscious about it. I can’t even imagine what I would look like now without the implants because I’ve leaned out so much through CrossFit and Primal eating. Not for one second have I ever regretted my decision.
Amen to that and substitute 5 years ago instead of 3. I decided that instead of spending 100s of 1000s of dollars of therapy to “maybe” make me accept my body…I could just spend $4000 on the ONE thing that I could not change with diet and exercise and be happy with the results.
5 years later and I have never regretted that decision…not once.
Thanks, everyone – I appreciate the comments and support. And yes, Jen – I agree, not a single regret here either.
Thanx so much for this . . I have been torn in this decision and been talked out of and down to about the very same subject for over a year now . . .and when I finally made the decision and the final surgery appointment . . .today, this is the first thing that popped up on my CF site . . . women are beautiful, strong, powerful, and sexy, all wrapped up into one
. . .good job Becca! And here’s to Becka!
Thank you so much for sharing, Becka – I am excited for you and proud of you for doing what your heart is guiding you toward. There are people who will snipe and pass judgment and there are people who will support you. All that really matters is how you feel about you. Take care and I’m so glad you found this site!
It’s a personal decision and good for you for doing what YOU want to do with your body…Just know they aren’t permanent, they have a “shelf life” of about 10 years and then you may need to have them re-done. Some last longer but it’s something people going in aren’t told. Best wishes for your surgery…be sure you have someone to take care of you for a while following.
YAY for bigger boobs. I hope your surgery goes well.
Bravo!!! I have had the EXACT same experience myself (however I also breastfed 2 children, so there a little difference). I never realized that MY breasts would be the cause of so much controversy! I had large breasts pre-babies, so I don’t know why everyone is so surprised or concerned or even angry! I go in for my “early birthday present” (turning 30 this years!!) on Monday morning! I too have not wanted to go in because of the time off of working out. Good luck to you and thank you for a well-timed piece!
Definitely support you as you seem to have thought this through. I just have to say that as someone who has always had really big breasts (naturally) I would trade them any day for smaller ones, so I really don’t know how you’re feeling right now. Maybe it’ll be different as I lean out, but as far as I’m concerned, having big boobs is a giant pain in the ass.
Becca, I fully and completely support your decision and I think it is absolutely fabulous. I’ll admit I knew what you were talking about by like the second sentence. I can relate but in a very different way. First of all, I’ve just started working out like an athlete after many many years of yo yo dieting and putting my body (particularly my breasts) through hell. Needless to say, they are not my favorite body part. They look pretty in a bra, but my running joke is “I WISH they stopped at my knees.” Not only that, but as soon as I started developing, it became very obvious that my breasts were not going to be the same size at all. I know, I’ve heard it my whole life, no one has perfectly symmetrical breasts. Mine are VERY obvious, in fact one nipple is bigger than the other. It has ALWAYS been something that bothered me. When you said “I believe that if something is a consistent complaint, you either accept it and get over it, or you do something about it” I had to stop and think. I have wanted to have surgery forever, and I actually had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Like so many other things, I just cannot afford this, and I’m not sure that financing the surgery is something I can consider right now, since I’m out of work. Ironically, I just had to have a biopsy done of the larger, less perky, “hated” breast and that put things in perspective in good and bad ways. I had a lot of thoughts about it, some that I’m too ashamed to admit. So my actual point here is, you made a remarkable decision and I applaud you. For anyone who had anything negative to say to you, their comments are more about them than you, and you did what was best for you. Rock your new body
Wow good for you Becca- I think your decision is a brave and excellent one! I have been so upset about how my boobs have changed since breastfeeding my son- I was never that generously proportioned but at least they were perky
- now they are practically non existent and I definitely feel less feminine and although I love my lean body and abs and low body fat which I’ve worked so hard to achieve I am finding it increasingly hard to like how I look in my clothes. I have vowed to have implants once finished with babies- I feel like having worked so hard to achieve my physical goals I deserve them. And as modern women who train hard and work hard we are lucky enough to be able to make these changes if we want to- 30/40 years ago even we would not have had the option. Best of luck let us all know how you feel post op!
Claire, Ireland.
Thank you all! I am blown away by everything that you all are sharing. It’s so great to hear everyone’s stories and to see we’re all dealing with such similar things. Thank you!
Becca,
I would like to congratulate you on your bold decision to share something very private with “the whole world”. One of the few drawbacks of training with women is the decrease in breast size. I see it often with the women that I train. I believe everyone has a right to do whatever they want with their body. This is America…right? I’m sure you have done your research but just in case you didn’t, are your implants going above or below the muscle? I have heard of rupture with both. I will be looking forward to hearing about your experience!
Best,
Scott
P.S. I saw your pics in your jean skirt doing pullups and you looked smoking hot then!!
I am right there with you…you have repeated my exact words with much more finesse!! I would like you hear how you are feeling and when you get back into the game. I was running at 18 days and back in the gym at 28…baby steps of course! Rock on girl!!
Thank you all so much! I have only good things to say about my entire experience. I had a great doctor who listened well and was very talented. He also is a very physically active person, so he understood how that was important to me and was not at all discouraging of exercise during my recovery. I was working out within a couple weeks, with lots of modifications of course, but I was moving around and sweating! Running took a few weeks and some of the pressing movements took a few months to feel “normal” again. But again, zero regrets, very happy with the results and overall a great experience.
Thank you all!
I have always said that If i have a baby and my size A’s (which used to be B’s, but training took them away too) become puppy dog ears, it’s plastics for me! LOL
Kudos to you for following your true self. Being girlie is fun!
LOL – Thanks, Roxy! And I agree – girlie is fun!
[...] breast augmentation surgery. (For anyone wanting to know the reasons why, you can read here – “What Makes Being a Woman Amazing.”) For me, it was and continues to be a positive experience and I am completely happy with my [...]