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Interview with Kellene Bishop, Firearms & Self-Defense Instructor

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Kellene Bishop is a tireless advocate of self-defense and firearms instruction for women. While she did not grow up around weapons she took to them with ferocity later in life. It was her journey of learning self-defense and firearms technique that caused her to become an instructor herself. She felt it was important for a woman to learn from a female instructor.

According to her bio:

Kellene was one of the very first women in the nation and the only female in the Western States to receive all of the applicable self-defense instructor certifications from the NRA. She is a certified Chief Range Safety Officer, as well as a certified instructor in the NRA disciplines of Pistol, Rifle, Shotgun, Personal Protection Inside the Home, and Personal Protection Outside the Home. She is also one of the very few women in the State of Utah who is a certified Concealed Firearm Permit Instructor (aka Utah CFP instructor). In addition to these certifications, she also brings her ability to truly connect with women nationwide in teaching them street-smart physical self-defense techniques as well as how to expertly handle a firearm under high-stress circumstances.

In this interview we talk with Kellene about women and firearms, women and self-defense, and the biggest mistakes women make in terms of keeping themselves and their families safe. Finally, Kellene will leave us with three tips for improving our personal safety.

To learn more about Kellene, visit her website at womenofcaliber.wordpress.com.

I know from your Bio that you did not grow up around guns. How did you end up going shooting that first time? What kept you at it even though you wanted to stop?

I knew there was a place for this level of defense, but it scared the bejeebies out of me. What helped me to continue on was a very, very patient and intelligent husband. He was able to patiently educate me with accurate information that he was willing to back up and share with me slowly. He never pushed me because he believed that a person who does not know how to use a firearm is a safety hazard.

Not only did you continue shooting, but you have made it into a career. Why is teaching women to shoot so important to you?

In spite of my wonderful husband’s patience, as I became more experienced with using a variety of firearms I was made aware of some bits of information that would have been nice to know as a female while I was learning. For example, in spite of how great he did in teaching me, my husband never would have thought to advise me to not wear a shirt that allowed the hot casings to fly into and lodge in my bra. Yowza! Those hurt.

Additionally, in handling the initial stress of shooting, he communicated with me in a male vocabulary. Hearing some suggestions and cautions from a female really would have made a difference in my learning.

Also, the powerful bass reverberations are received differently in the woman’s body than a man’s. As I’m able to make women aware of this prior to shooting, it really helps women to overcome the shock of the sound and bass vibrations. It can be adjusted to and accepted, but it’s a lot easier to do when you know to expect it.

Additionally, there’s an unnecessary level of stress put into the mix of learning to shoot when you’re being taught by the man you love; the man you want approval from and kudos. I’m not trying to say every woman is stressed out when they shoot for the first few times, but when there is stress, taking instructions from a person we care about is actually more difficult; their tone seems more terse, etc. You see this phenomenon on shows such as The Amazing Race, as even long-time couples snap at each other uncharacteristically because of the added stress of the activity.

There are other things a man would really never think of advising a female shooter such as wearing make-up when shooting (the toxins stick to the make-up base, so it’s great to bring along the face wipes to use after shooting), the hair being pulled back so as not to distract or get in the way, the way a woman balances versus a man due to her cleavage, instructing a woman to stick her butt out for one of the stronger shooting positions, etc. There’s a phrase for that last one I use in my training that would be inappropriate if it came from a man.

It would have been a much better experience if I could have been taught by a knowledgeable, patient female. Unfortunately, there is a serious DEARTH of female instructors who are willing to remain female and embrace their femininity. Learning to shoot requires focus. The fewer aspects present to distract or stress initially, the better. I’ve talked to way too many women who are just plain afraid of guns. When they are finally willing to give them a try, I think it’s important that I don’t give them any reasons to regret that decision through an insensitive instruction process.

 What would you say to a woman who is nervous or scared to learn how to use a firearm?

This has been the case on many occasions with my students. Understanding why a woman is typically nervous or scared really helps to overcome those fears. Women usually want to learn to use a firearm in defense of their children and loved ones. However, it’s frequently because of the presence of those children that they are afraid – they don’t want anything to accidentally happen to hurt their children. Likewise, women have a harder time with the thought of shooting and harming another human being, even if that person is their attacker. Educating a woman against this inclination to humanize their attacker  and teaching them the FACTS about firearm safety really helps to break through that fear level. Also, teaching them the skills necessary so they are confident they can hit their target and ONLY their target will make a big difference too.

Why do you feel it’s best for women to be instructed by women?

See above. You eliminate so many obstacles. When I was recently featured on the morning news, teaching a female reporter how to shoot, the first thing she said to me on the break was how excited she was to see me in my “cute black fur coat and sassy red lipstick.” There is a stigma that you have to relinquish a part of your femininity if you’re going to be “tough” enough to defend yourself. This is why I think it’s important for REAL women to teach other women.

 Can you tell us what’s different about your training and techniques that is unique to women?

I teach with all of the standard obstacles in mind. I lay the foundation with those obstacles in mind and eliminate them before we even lay eyes on a firearm. Too many instructors just jump right in to technique, when the fact of the matter is, technique is the second to last tool that protects a woman. (Second only to shot placement.) The mental fundamentals, coupled with the possession of competent skills so a woman can defend herself the moment she needs to, confidently, knowing she’s not going to hurt anyone else, is critical. My classes and customized technique ensure this. After an hour of range time, my students are able to quick-draw their firearm and hit a target the size of a quarter, seven to eight feet out – regardless of previous firearm experience.

What’s the best way for me to find a good firearms instructor in my area?

I think we need to be willing to do our homework. We want to know what their background is, their experience level, and what they intend to teach. If you hear the obligatory macho grunts and assurances, run away. Additionally, NO instructor should teach without addressing the emotional and mental weapon first. I once was called by an international software company to teach their women a “self-defense class.” The caller asked me how many moves I could teach the students in an hour’s time. I told her “none.” Self-defense isn’t about moves. It’s about the mental fortitude that enables you to believe you’re able and ALLOWED to defend yourself to the utmost. I got the contract over a 20 year police veteran and a highly accomplished martial arts instructor.

If I were going to purchase my first gun, to keep in my home for self-protection, what weapons would you recommend?

There are three firearms I suggest everyone owns if they are comfortable with firearm protection. The first of which is a handgun, then a shotgun, and then a rifle. The handgun gives you the element of surprise and is portable and easily concealable. It should be the first purchase, in my opinion.

You mention on your website that martial arts will not prepare you for self-defense. I am in major agreement with this – it is one of my pet peeves when people train martial arts for self-defense purposes. What do YOU see as the truly necessary components for self-defense?

Mental fortitude is the most important tool, then muscle memory. When you’re startled and adrenalin is charged you don’t have the time to waffle back and forth on whether or not you can justify taking the life of your attacker if necessary. That’s got to be already built in your mental fortitude. Then, when it comes time to take action, you don’t have time to ask yourself “should I do the crouching tiger or the spinning beetle move?” Martial arts is great for physical fitness, but when it comes to a real street fight, even seasoned instructors will have a difficult time immediately culling from their “moves” and usually requires a “too close for comfort” scenario.  A firearm gives you distance and when you’re up against an enraged male distance is your friend.

I have a half-sister who was beat severely by her estranged husband who was under the influence of narcotics. He’s only 5’7” and kind of puny, whereas my sister took Tae Bo regularly as well as self-defense. After the attack which she endured for 15 minutes, she kept asking herself how she couldn’t get him off of her. She was positive she made contact over and over again with his head, but it made no difference on the attack except to get him more angry.  Anything women rely on to protect us must be effective regardless of our physical strength. Firearms and other helpful weapons such as a long-distance pepper spray and perhaps an Asp are necessary to provide that distance.

Are there any other items related to self-defense I should have on hand in my home, in my car, or in my purse?

These suggestions are subject to the laws of a person’s state, but my second favorite “weapon” is my Asp. Then my long-distance pepper spray, which is a red dye like they use in bank robberies to mark the currency. The red dye will mark the perpetrator for 2 weeks, making it easier for a successful arrest. Cell phones should not be underestimated. Keep them if for no other reason than being able to call for help or lead detectives to you through triangulation.

Other than that, it’s important we learn to use what we have on hand to defend ourselves if necessary. Our car keys, the heels of our shoes, our belts, and the strap on our purses which can effectively be used to strangle in a close encounter. The mirrors and glass-covered pictures in our home can be used to our advantage as well if we rehearse with them. I also think it’s a necessary precaution to explore your home at night in the dark. A woman’s familiarity with her home will be a great advantage to her in the event of trouble – even if it’s a house fire.

I can’t say enough how important it is to do “rehearsals” with your kids as well. They can be a serious liability to mothers if they aren’t trained properly as they are usually the obvious pawn of leverage against women.

Oh, and I think there’s a lot of value to having a well-trained dog for extra security.

What are the 3 biggest mistakes you see women make when it comes to being safe?

#1 is definitely disengaging from their environment. A woman who stays aware of her surroundings is much more powerful than a woman with a body like Angelina Jolie armed to the hilt. It’s a deterrent to would-be attackers.

#2 is not creating a proactive environment of safety. Every time you come home the door should be locked behind you, for example. A knock on the door means quietly approach the door first, look through the peephole and then decide if you’re going to inquire as to who’s there. Just because a person knocks on your door doesn’t mean you’re obligated to open it.

#3 is failing to educate their children out of a fear of upsetting them. I assure you that a child having to witness the abuse or rape of his mom is a LOT more upsetting to them than seeing Mommy stand up for herself and decidedly and competently fighting back. If you don’t educate your children about real life safety, then you’ve surrendered one of them to a perpetrator before the battle even begins.

What 3 pieces of advice would you give women in terms of self-defense?

#1: Whatever you choose to be your tool of self-defense, make sure you devote at least as much time to mastering it as you would programming your new cell phone.  Seriously, we simply can’t afford to underestimate the distraction of the adrenaline rush. Just as a military medic gets to the point he doesn’t even think of the bullets and the bodily fluids, because he’s trained to jump into action and do his job. If we women can turn off the noise of “Mom! Mom. Mom? Mom!! MOM!” then we can focus on defending ourselves when the time approaches.

#2: There are no victims—only volunteers. We are naturally inclined to be a little warmer, more emotional, kinder and naturally caring. Defending ourselves against harm does not change any of that. We women must take personal responsibility for our safety and protection. There’s only one consequence for denying that responsibility, and it’s not pretty. While I may be married to a modern-day Prince Charming, he simply is not around all of the time, neither are the police, etc. We simply cannot delegate to someone else to protect us and we are ENTITLED to protect ourselves. If we’re serious about loving the important people in our lives, then we need to be serious about protecting them and ourselves as well.

#3: Sadly, women are the strongest advocates against the existence of firearms in our nation, and yet they are the ones who can be best served by them when used with competence because regardless of our physical shape or health, they are the great equalizer. As long as we continue to fear and loathe them, we will continue to find ourselves the brunt of the violence as we’re viewed as a weak target. Instead of men seeing women as a target, I hope that I will live to see a day in which each and every criminal who’s pondering his next prey will stop and second-guess themselves – thinking, “Wait a minute. What if she’s prepared to kill me in protection of her life?” Our entire nation would benefit greatly by more mama bears in our communities and less frenzied little hens.

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Athena Profile – Roxy Richardson, Professional Fighter & Personal Trainer

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I first met Roxy a number of years ago when I started training Muay Thai. She was a senior student, already had a few fights under her belt, and generally beat the crap out of me on a daily basis.

In other words, she rocked it even then.

Since then Roxy has evolved into a champion fighter, a dedicated coach, and a beautiful woman. She was the IAMTF Women’s Lightweight champion from 2008-2009 before turning pro. She is a CrossFit coach, personal trainer and nutrition geek. Her latest passion is her new gym, Function 5 Fitness.

Do you think it’s hard for people to see women as both physically strong and beautiful? Why?

I believe that gender differences exist for a reason and women generally have less overall physical strength and aggression. When we see a very physically strong woman, or a weak man for that matter, it defies our innate feelings and people’s first reaction is to hate and make fun of what they don’t understand. It’s not that I don’t think women should be strong… they should, but I don’t think they should try to be men. I find joy in defying stereotypes, lifting heavy weights, fighting in the ring and being an entrepreneur, but I also like to cook, clean and wear dresses. Being strong doesn’t mean I don’t like doors being held open for me, just as I don’t think a guy crying in a movie is a wimp, but not everyone is open minded so I know I’ll get some heat for trying to be both strong and feminine.

What about being seen as beautiful and smart? Do you think women sometimes think they can’t be both?

I think women get confused about this. Women can be both, but they can’t go on dates and put down a man or make him feel insecure and expect to be taken out for a second date. That doesn’t mean women need to dumb themselves down, sometimes it just means shutting my mouth and being a lady, there is nothing wrong with letting guys be dominant as in leading a conversation or doing things for me like carrying a suitcase or fixing a drain – that’s what they love to do, it makes them feel like men and me feel like a woman and it doesn’t make me stupid for allowing that dynamic to occur.

I own my own business, a gym with my boyfriend, which is challenging. At work I make decisions, I argue, I tell people what to do, I teach and am a leader. At home I try to shut that off. I cook, I relax, I try not to be bossy.

I think women get it wrong because they think being smart means you have to be assertive and dominant all the time. That just turns people off. Women can be smart and beautiful and lady-like. They just need to be a hard-ass at work, in the ring, on the field or in the gym and turn that off in their personal life, unless they want to date a shy sensitive guy – but that’s a different story.

Have you ever felt judged for being too pretty or too athletic, by either men or women?

Only on the Internet, mostly by men (LOL), but I don’t let that crap bother me. Anyone can be an Internet hater, but they wouldn’t say mean things to my face. I have gotten some heat for putting an image out there in Muay Thai. I’m good at marketing myself and being flashy is part of that. I don’t go the “sex sells” route, I’m more punk rock than that, but I still get some heat for it. The good thing about my sport is that my fists and shins can do the talking and I can back up my image by winning fights.

I know some guys that are not into athletic women, but there are also some guys that don’t like skinny girls, or dark skinned girls or girls with red hair. There is someone for everyone and I found an awesome man who loves athletic girls with short hair and tattoos. Everything works out if you are comfortable just being who you want to be.  It’s a waste of time to go around trying to be something you are not. If girls want to be skinny with no muscles and get osteoporosis that’s fine with me, but chances are those girls won’t come to me for training, they will go to Tracy Anderson!

How do you deal with keeping up your feminine side while being an athlete?

I get pedicures, I let guys open doors for me, I go to the spa, I  talk to my girlfriends, I go shopping, and I wear make-up, dresses and heels when I go out on weekends. My weight lifting shoes are grey with pink. I wear a white or pink skirt that flares when I fight Muay Thai.

What is your favorite part of being a woman?

I would say childbirth but I haven’t had that experience yet, so I guess the verdict is still out. So, I’ll go with dresses, heels and make-up. It’s just like when I was a kid and played dress-up. I can be a whole new person with a new outfit and hairstyle.

What is the hardest part about being a woman?

Balancing the gender roles I talked about before. The modern woman has to wear many hats and know when to put them on and take them off. I feel like my days are often juggling acts and I’m not even a mother yet. I’m sure it gets more complicated later, so I’m not complaining.

Do you have any guilty girlie pleasures?

Sometimes I watch a REALLY cheesy romantic drama or comedy alone like Clueless, 17 Again or 27 Dresses. I do this while drinking red wine, laughing out loud and get teary-eyed. That pretty much fills my girl quota for the month. I won’t do this with other women, which is probably makes me less girlie?

Did you ever wish you weren’t a woman?

Never. I’m super happy being me.

Has being female ever held you back in any way? (career, sports, etc)

Maybe in ways I didn’t notice, but I never saw being female as something that was negative. I was raised by a single mother who said I could do whatever I wanted to do. She didn’t think this would be my life and doesn’t approve fully, but she’s happy that I’m happy. If you don’t see obstacles in life there are none.

The only thing that has been challenging as a female in Muay Thai is finding sparring partners and opponents, because there are many more men in the sport. There are far fewer female Muay Thai fighters in the US in particular, which makes it difficult, but that never stopped me from going forward.

How has being female been an advantage? (career, sports, etc)

I’ve made a good career out of specializing in female fitness. I train men too, but the comfortable atmosphere I offer women has been a big selling point in my services and has helped me carve out a niche in the fitness industry that I couldn’t do as a man.

As far as my sport, since the pool of women in Muay Thai is smaller it was easier to get to the top. They are typically only 1 or 2 female fights on a card of 8 or 10, so we stand out. It wasn’t long before I was the main event on cards. More women drop out of Muay Thai because they get married or have babies. Very few of the women that started competing when I did are still active. I had to look to fights with overseas fighters as soon as I turned pro.

If you could go back and give your 12 year old self one piece of advice, what would it be?

I would tell myself to not screw around so much in high school and college and get committed to combat sports earlier (I didn’t start seriously training Muay Thai until I was 24). I would also tell me that the horrible feelings of insecurity and life confusion would dissipate by 30. But I think my advice would be useless as I was a stubborn teenager and wouldn’t have listened to a word the older, wiser me said.

For more about Roxy visit her gym website at Function5Fitness.com.

 

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Friday Link Love – Shameless Self Promotion Edition

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Typically Friday is about linking to other blogs, but this week’s link love is all about me!

It occurred to me, despite my sharing on Twitter and Facebook, readers may have missed some of my favorite articles.

So, periodically on Friday Link Love I’ll be posting my own stuff – not because I want to brag, but because I think these articles can either provide you with some needed information…or some needed delight.

Not Fit For Print! – Unpublished Chael Sonnen Interview

I interviewed UFC Fighter Chael Sonnen recently and wrote this article for a website on spec…and then the website decided they weren’t comfortable with the content. So, rather than waste this delight, I posted it on the Underground Forums.

Breaking Muscle – MMA 101: The Arts Behind Mixed Martial Arts

“Having been involved in Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) for almost a decade, I sometimes forget it is still a new sport to most people. As such, the concept of the sport may not be very clear for people encountering the sport for the first time. What exactly does the name mean – Mixed Martial Arts? What are the “arts” involved in MMA?”

NerdJockPrincess – The Nature of South Central

“The first day I moved to South Central I noticed a stench that filled the air outside my door. Two days later I realized it was the body of a dog rotting in the neighbor’s backyard. The flies persisted for weeks.

I was just finishing my first semester as a graduate student at USC. I lived in the overpriced university housing north of campus. For five hundred and fifty dollars a month I could stand in the center of my apartment and nearly touch three out of four walls without moving. My refrigerator came up to my thigh. The toilet never flushed properly. The mattress had what I told myself were not blood stains on the side I flipped down to face the floor.”

CrossFit Journal – Perspectives for a Successful CrossFit Kids Affiliate

“You want to create a program where children get fit, learn good movement patterns and have fun. You want to establish good nutrition habits and build the lifestyle of fitness from an early age. To create a successful program, you need to be able to approach these goals from two different standpoints—the concerns of the children and the concerns of the parents.”

Momtastic – What to Look for When Choosing a Gym for Your Child

“First and foremost before choosing a school or gym is to be clear about what your child’s goals are in this pursuit.  These goals can change over time, as can your choice of schools, but knowing going in will make your decisions much easier. Be it martial arts, gymnastics, wrestling, or dancing , there are competitive routes your child can take.  Is your child in pursuit of a career or college scholarship?  Or are they just exploring and want to have fun?”

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Who Fits In These Jeans?

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For a number of years I only wore skirts. I had mini-skirts, long skirts, all sorts of skirts. My friends would occasionally comment that they never saw me in jeans. I did genuinely enjoy wearing skirts and at the time I worked a job where dressing nicely was part of the deal. As much as I loved skirts, however, my enjoyment was not the whole reason I was wearing them.

I was wearing skirts because I couldn’t fit my booty in a pair of jeans.

At that time, I owned one pair of ill-fitting jeans I never wore and I had long before donated all my dress slacks to Goodwill.

Now, I wasn’t fat, I don’t think I was shaped any differently than a lot of women out there, and I put a fair amount of effort into finding a pair of jeans that would fit me. They just didn’t exist.

This wasn’t always how life was for me. When I was younger and not an athlete, I could buy jeans off the rack. Even then I had more leg than the average girl, but I still fell within the fashion industry’s parameters for how a woman is shaped. After I discovered martial arts and CrossFit things changed. Endless lunges, horse stance, clean and jerks, deadlifts and squats resulted in Kung Fu Quads and CrossFit Booty.

I loved it. I would way rather have a caboose than fit in size two jeans. But, I do want to have the option of wearing jeans.

This was my dilemma: If I found a pair of jeans that fit my quads and glutes, there would inevitably be inches and inches of extra fabric around the waist. If I found a pair of jeans that fit my waist…well, I could maybe pull them up past my calves and that was it.

“Who fits in these jeans?” I thought. “Whose legs are this skinny? There’s no way she can squat.”

So, rather than give up my athletics and join the world of calf-less flat-butted skinny-fat girls, I stuck with my kickboxing and CrossFit and invested in a dozen skirts.

Before long, the irony that is life struck hard. I started dating a guy who was obsessed with jeans. His closet was wall to wall denim. Brands I never heard of. Who knew what selvedge meant? Well, now I did. I learned all sorts of things only a denim geek would know.

Then one day he popped the question.

“How come you never wear jeans?”

I didn’t really have to say much. He was clearly familiar with my booty. What he said next, however, changed my world: He offered to take me to the annual clearance sale at Lisa Kline and he offered to introduce me to his denim tailor. The full brilliance of these two items was something I could not fully understand until the day came.

First up – Lisa Kline. Lisa Kline carries ridiculously expensive, absolutely beautiful clothing. Jeans that cost hundreds of dollars. Except, at the annual clearance sale these jeans are $20. And, if you’re not a skinny-fat flat-butted girl, your sizes are not sold out and are in fact the majority of what is available. Who knew my CrossFit booty would pay off in such an amazing way! Not to mention my boyfriend knew all the brands so he did all the selecting, I tried the jeans on, and we were in and out in under an hour. $800 worth of denim for under $100.

Next up – Dr. Blue Jeans. Dr. Blue Jeans is a man of magic. I went to his shop, he literally put me on a pedestal, flicked his little nub of chalk on a few places on my jeans and when I returned a week later it was like they had been made just for me. I couldn’t even figure out how he did it. They looked untouched and perfect.

And there it was — a whole new world in front of me! A world of wearing sexy designer jeans and a cool pair of heels. A world of not having to shave my legs every single day. A world where my legs were no longer at odds with the fashion industry and I could now show off the disparity in my waist and my quads, instead of being a fashion victim to it.

This was my new world indeed.

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Yoked

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When she shook my hand before our match began I knew I was in trouble. The referee stood between us and gestured for us to shake. The sweat on the bottom of my feet made me stick to the wrestling mat. I wiped my palms off on my t-shirt. She wrapped her hand around mine.  Her grip was strong. Her bicep bulged beneath her rash guard. Her clothes were all skin tight. She was, as my Jiu-Jitsu coach would later state, yoked.

The referee started us. We clinched. Maybe she took me down. Maybe I pulled half-guard. Either way, we ended up on the ground with her on top. She pressed her weight down on me. I could hear my coach clearly and I tried everything he said. I could not move. All my favorite moves, my favorite sweeps, practiced over and over, all for naught. Eventually she got my arm. Eventually I tapped.

My coach, Eddie, took me aside. This was my third tournament. The third time things had gone this way. My fourth place medals were simply for being the fourth and final girl to show.

“You’ve got to get strong,” Eddie implored. “You know the techniques, maybe better than anybody, but you’ve got to figure out how to get strong.”

He turned and glanced behind us as my competitor walked away.

“Damn,” he exclaimed, holding his hands in front of him and flexing in a strong man pose as he said the word. “That girl was yoked!”

Six years later I ran into Eddie in Las Vegas. I had not seen him in a while. I had not trained Jiu-Jitsu in quite some time.

“Damn,” he said, “You’ve got guns!” He made me flex for the man standing with him before introducing me.

“Every time I see a new picture of you on Facebook I remember that conversation we had,” he said. “Do you remember that conversation?”

“Yes,” I replied, “And I did what you said. I went and got strong.”

“Yeah, you did,” he said. “You didn’t have legs like that before.”

I was wearing tight black leggings and a sleeveless shirt. The man standing with Eddie nodded at me in agreement.

It was through following Eddie’s advice that I discovered CrossFit. I discovered my whole new world of weight lifting, running, gymnastics and competition. I started CrossFit to get strong for Jiu-Jitsu. I eventually quit Jiu-Jitsu. I got strong for my life. I discovered my life. I found my muscles and I found my voice.

Earlier today I was taking a CrossFit class at Team Quest MMA. The other women in the class were whispering about me, unaware I could hear them. Out of the corner of their eyes they were watching me do pull ups. Inside I was smiling. This is how it always goes.

“She’s doing those for real,” they whispered.

I continued in my workout. I did some toes-to-bar.

“What are those?” one of them whispered.

“I don’t know, but I’ve seen them on a video before,” the other replied.

I almost laughed out loud. I kind of loved these women for that one. I got down off the bar and introduced myself. They were embarrassed. They thought they were being secretive. I joked with them and we all laughed.

Because I get it. I used to be them.

I used to look at that girl and wish I was her. I used to look at that girl and think I could never do that, that it was ridiculous, that it was impossible. It was impossible for me. I shook that girl’s hand and felt her strength. I lost to her.

But not anymore. No more baggy t-shirts for me. No more being held in place. I went and got strong.

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