For a number of years I was under the impression that not knowing how to cook made me more of an independent woman. I had it in my head that knowing how to cook was old-fashioned and would somehow hold me back. This was somewhat similar to how I felt about make-up. Growing up I developed a rudimentary knowledge, but now that I am older I find myself wishing I knew a little bit more about lip liner and fake eyelashes. Likewise, once I achieved adulthood, for many years I felt inadequate in the kitchen.

I believe my struggle with what it is to be a modern woman and my struggle with the kitchen run parallel to each other.

My parents encouraged me to be independent and make choices free of the fact that I was female. Indeed, in my early years I was a bit oblivious to being female. Looking back, I was probably fairly androgynous growing up. I remember being asked from time to time if I was a boy. Yet, I also remember girlfriends admiring my painted nails and long hair. Prior to my teen years, however, I was careful to avoid tremendously feminine things like skirts, make-up and cooking. And while I did eventually fall in love with skirts and make-up, I still held the strange notion that cooking would “hold me back.” There was something old-fashioned and unnecessary about cooking.

But the truth is, not knowing how to cook never got me anywhere but the frozen food aisle.

I never considered myself a feminist. In fact, I did everything I could to avoid the word. I still don’t feel comfortable having it anywhere near me. In my head, feminists are angry, man-hating, short-haired, make-up-less women. Me? I like the idea of being married, having children, growing a garden and cooking dinner. I don’t want to work full-time when I have kids and I don’t want to be made to feel bad about it. And I really, really like men.

But, that’s me now. Me a few years ago couldn’t cook dinner, remember? In fact I used to brag about my inability to cook. Back then I wasn’t so sure about the whole “having kids” thing either. If I didn’t have kids, why did I need to know how to cook? Maybe I’d marry a man who was a chef.

Things turned around for me when cooking became about fitness and health and not about politics or identity. When I became an athlete and a coach, eating healthy became something necessary and I wanted it to be something enjoyable. The only way to make it enjoyable was to properly learn how to cook. I started taking classes at a local culinary school. Lo-and-behold, cooking turned out to be completely rewarding and surprisingly creative. I never knew it was a mode of self-expression and that serving a beautiful looking and tasting meal to friends could be so fulfilling.

The discovery of the enjoyment of cooking spread into other areas of my life. My already existing love for flower gardening expanded to a love for gardening herbs and vegetables. Suddenly I could picture myself cooking meals and packing lunches. Suddenly I saw myself as a little bit more capable in the potential “mom” department. Knowing how to cook would never have held me back from anything. Not knowing how to cook contributed to my inability to see myself as a complete woman, a wife, and a mom.

Now, I truly enjoy cooking. Of course, I am still trying to figure out how to work these darn fake eyelashes, but that is perhaps another article.