I’ve been getting so many requests on Facebook and Breaking Muscle for information on slow-cookers and paleo cookbooks that I decided to all the information here in one easy-to-reference post.

So here are my recommendations to get you going toward a healthier, simpler experience in your kitchen:

My favorite slow-cooker:

Cuisinart PSC-650 Stainless Steel 6-1/2-Quart Programmable Slow Cooker

Things to look for in a good slow-cooker:

• You should be able to program the time and temperature independently of each other.
• The more heat settings the better, i.e. simmer, low, and high, versus just low and high.
• If you’re cooking for more than one person, go for the larger size.
• Make sure it has a “keep warm” function that keeps food, um, warm once it’s done actually cooking.

I personally have two slow cookers and use them both some days. We have an older Crock-Pot, which isn’t nearly as nice, but it still works great, so I use it for side dishes or desserts. So don’t let the fact you have one you’re not quite happy with stop you from upgrading to a new one. If you get into the swing of things, you’ll be putting them both to work. But first you’ll need some recipes.

These are the two paleo slow-cooker cookbooks I recommend:

Paleo Slow Cooking: Gluten Free Recipes Made Simple – This book is a little more straight forward than the second one listed. So if you’re really nervous about cooking and can only buy one book, go for this one. There are a number of staples I cook out of this book regularly, including: Chili with a Kick, Chipotle Chicken Stew, Boneless Pork Ribs, Old Fashioned Beef Stew, and Aunt Robin’s Roast. There are also non-slow-cooker side dish recipes that are wonderful. And there are easy slow-cooker dessert recipes. We love the Berry Crumble!

The Paleo Slow Cooker: Healthy, Gluten-free Meals the Easy Way – I love exotic-tasting foods and this fabulous cookbook is full of recipes that are not typical American fare. If that’s how your tastes run, then you will love this cookbook, too. Some examples of recipes I love include: Beef and Bok Choy, Fesenjan (Persian Chicken Stew), Lamb Chops with Pomegranate Sauce, and Jambalaya. There are also some fabulous appetizers, sides, and desserts, including the to-die-for Banana Coconut Foster.

And then there are those times you won’t be using your slow cooker. While I dearly love mine, I cook a few meals each week on the stove-top or in the oven. So here are the recipe collections I love for those times and why I love each book specifically.

My favorite paleo cookbooks:

• 
  Make it Paleo: Over 200 Grain Free Recipes For Any Occasion This cookbook has the BEST collection of dessert recipes of any paleo cookbook I’ve seen. Pumpkin Chiffon Pie, Carrot Cake, Lemon Poppysee Muffins, you name it.
• 
  Well Fed: Paleo Recipes for People Who Love to Eat The recipes are spicy and the writing is sassy. Makes for a great combo and some lovely dinners. Make the Czech Meatballs, for sure! And the Cumin-Roasted Carrots and Cocoa-Toasted Cauliflower are also favorites of mine.
• 
  Paleo Comfort Foods: Homestyle Cooking for a Gluten-Free Kitchen And you thought Southern food couldn’t be paleo. The Turking Loafing (meatloaf) and Pot O’ Chicken Pie are just amazing. Oh, and the Sweet Potato Casserole, too!
• 
  Weeknight Paleo: 9 Weeks of Quick and Easy Gluten-Free Meals This might not be your daily cookbook, but when you have friends over for a nice dinner, this will totally be the cookbook you use. Elegant, tasteful dinners and side dishes, including many seafood recipes.
• 
  Practical Paleo: A Customized Approach to Health and a Whole-Foods Lifestyle If you’re trying to understand the philosophy of paleo the first half of this book is a must-read for you. It also has some of the best veggie/side-dish recipes of any of the cookbooks I’ve used.

Here are some of my favorite things I’ve created of late:

“The Two Cardinal Rules of CrossFit” – When you’ve done CrossFit as long as I have you figure a few things out. Today I’m going to share my two personal rules with you. Try them out – they make all the difference for me.

“The Top 6 Ways You Know You’re a Mature Athlete” – I used to joke about wanting be in the “masters” category of competition, now for the first time I feel like a mature athlete. What makes me feel this way? Six things in particular, and here they are.

“When Paleo and inov-8s Are Bad for You” – Not everybody needs to eat paleo and wear inov-8s during their first week of CrossFit. The first year I did CrossFit I did it mainly fueled on Hot Pockets, Lean Cuisine, and Diet Coke. No joke.

“Being a Stupid Athlete Made Me a Better Coach” - I’m a better coach because I was a stupid athlete. I developed knowledge, empathy, and awareness from my missteps. And I can spot the stupidity in my athletes a mile away.

“The 17 Commandments of Rowing – My Journey from Hate to Happiness” – I used to hate rowing, but then I actually learned how to do it properly…and I fell in love. Read these 17 tips on how to become a more efficient and happier rower.

“6 Reasons Why Coaching Kids Makes You a Better Coach” – Having been a kids coach I can safely say the experience had a profound effect on my coaching of clients of any age. Coaching kids makes you a better coach overall and here’s why.

And from other sites:

“What It’s Like to Be a Mixed Martial Artist, and a Woman” – Greatist
“Geeks Do CrossFit, Too” – CrossFit Community
“How Soulcalibur Saved My Life” – My Athletic Life

According to her bio:

Kellene was one of the very first women in the nation and the only female in the Western States to receive all of the applicable self-defense instructor certifications from the NRA. She is a certified Chief Range Safety Officer, as well as a certified instructor in the NRA disciplines of Pistol, Rifle, Shotgun, Personal Protection Inside the Home, and Personal Protection Outside the Home. She is also one of the very few women in the State of Utah who is a certified Concealed Firearm Permit Instructor (aka Utah CFP instructor). In addition to these certifications, she also brings her ability to truly connect with women nationwide in teaching them street-smart physical self-defense techniques as well as how to expertly handle a firearm under high-stress circumstances.

In this interview we talk with Kellene about women and firearms, women and self-defense, and the biggest mistakes women make in terms of keeping themselves and their families safe. Finally, Kellene will leave us with three tips for improving our personal safety.

To learn more about Kellene, visit her website at womenofcaliber.wordpress.com.

I know from your Bio that you did not grow up around guns. How did you end up going shooting that first time? What kept you at it even though you wanted to stop?

I knew there was a place for this level of defense, but it scared the bejeebies out of me. What helped me to continue on was a very, very patient and intelligent husband. He was able to patiently educate me with accurate information that he was willing to back up and share with me slowly. He never pushed me because he believed that a person who does not know how to use a firearm is a safety hazard.

Not only did you continue shooting, but you have made it into a career. Why is teaching women to shoot so important to you?

In spite of my wonderful husband’s patience, as I became more experienced with using a variety of firearms I was made aware of some bits of information that would have been nice to know as a female while I was learning. For example, in spite of how great he did in teaching me, my husband never would have thought to advise me to not wear a shirt that allowed the hot casings to fly into and lodge in my bra. Yowza! Those hurt.

Additionally, in handling the initial stress of shooting, he communicated with me in a male vocabulary. Hearing some suggestions and cautions from a female really would have made a difference in my learning.

Also, the powerful bass reverberations are received differently in the woman’s body than a man’s. As I’m able to make women aware of this prior to shooting, it really helps women to overcome the shock of the sound and bass vibrations. It can be adjusted to and accepted, but it’s a lot easier to do when you know to expect it.

Additionally, there’s an unnecessary level of stress put into the mix of learning to shoot when you’re being taught by the man you love; the man you want approval from and kudos. I’m not trying to say every woman is stressed out when they shoot for the first few times, but when there is stress, taking instructions from a person we care about is actually more difficult; their tone seems more terse, etc. You see this phenomenon on shows such as The Amazing Race, as even long-time couples snap at each other uncharacteristically because of the added stress of the activity.

There are other things a man would really never think of advising a female shooter such as wearing make-up when shooting (the toxins stick to the make-up base, so it’s great to bring along the face wipes to use after shooting), the hair being pulled back so as not to distract or get in the way, the way a woman balances versus a man due to her cleavage, instructing a woman to stick her butt out for one of the stronger shooting positions, etc. There’s a phrase for that last one I use in my training that would be inappropriate if it came from a man.

It would have been a much better experience if I could have been taught by a knowledgeable, patient female. Unfortunately, there is a serious DEARTH of female instructors who are willing to remain female and embrace their femininity. Learning to shoot requires focus. The fewer aspects present to distract or stress initially, the better. I’ve talked to way too many women who are just plain afraid of guns. When they are finally willing to give them a try, I think it’s important that I don’t give them any reasons to regret that decision through an insensitive instruction process.

 What would you say to a woman who is nervous or scared to learn how to use a firearm?

This has been the case on many occasions with my students. Understanding why a woman is typically nervous or scared really helps to overcome those fears. Women usually want to learn to use a firearm in defense of their children and loved ones. However, it’s frequently because of the presence of those children that they are afraid – they don’t want anything to accidentally happen to hurt their children. Likewise, women have a harder time with the thought of shooting and harming another human being, even if that person is their attacker. Educating a woman against this inclination to humanize their attacker  and teaching them the FACTS about firearm safety really helps to break through that fear level. Also, teaching them the skills necessary so they are confident they can hit their target and ONLY their target will make a big difference too.

Why do you feel it’s best for women to be instructed by women?

See above. You eliminate so many obstacles. When I was recently featured on the morning news, teaching a female reporter how to shoot, the first thing she said to me on the break was how excited she was to see me in my “cute black fur coat and sassy red lipstick.” There is a stigma that you have to relinquish a part of your femininity if you’re going to be “tough” enough to defend yourself. This is why I think it’s important for REAL women to teach other women.

 Can you tell us what’s different about your training and techniques that is unique to women?

I teach with all of the standard obstacles in mind. I lay the foundation with those obstacles in mind and eliminate them before we even lay eyes on a firearm. Too many instructors just jump right in to technique, when the fact of the matter is, technique is the second to last tool that protects a woman. (Second only to shot placement.) The mental fundamentals, coupled with the possession of competent skills so a woman can defend herself the moment she needs to, confidently, knowing she’s not going to hurt anyone else, is critical. My classes and customized technique ensure this. After an hour of range time, my students are able to quick-draw their firearm and hit a target the size of a quarter, seven to eight feet out – regardless of previous firearm experience.

What’s the best way for me to find a good firearms instructor in my area?

I think we need to be willing to do our homework. We want to know what their background is, their experience level, and what they intend to teach. If you hear the obligatory macho grunts and assurances, run away. Additionally, NO instructor should teach without addressing the emotional and mental weapon first. I once was called by an international software company to teach their women a “self-defense class.” The caller asked me how many moves I could teach the students in an hour’s time. I told her “none.” Self-defense isn’t about moves. It’s about the mental fortitude that enables you to believe you’re able and ALLOWED to defend yourself to the utmost. I got the contract over a 20 year police veteran and a highly accomplished martial arts instructor.

If I were going to purchase my first gun, to keep in my home for self-protection, what weapons would you recommend?

There are three firearms I suggest everyone owns if they are comfortable with firearm protection. The first of which is a handgun, then a shotgun, and then a rifle. The handgun gives you the element of surprise and is portable and easily concealable. It should be the first purchase, in my opinion.

You mention on your website that martial arts will not prepare you for self-defense. I am in major agreement with this – it is one of my pet peeves when people train martial arts for self-defense purposes. What do YOU see as the truly necessary components for self-defense?

Mental fortitude is the most important tool, then muscle memory. When you’re startled and adrenalin is charged you don’t have the time to waffle back and forth on whether or not you can justify taking the life of your attacker if necessary. That’s got to be already built in your mental fortitude. Then, when it comes time to take action, you don’t have time to ask yourself “should I do the crouching tiger or the spinning beetle move?” Martial arts is great for physical fitness, but when it comes to a real street fight, even seasoned instructors will have a difficult time immediately culling from their “moves” and usually requires a “too close for comfort” scenario.  A firearm gives you distance and when you’re up against an enraged male distance is your friend.

I have a half-sister who was beat severely by her estranged husband who was under the influence of narcotics. He’s only 5’7” and kind of puny, whereas my sister took Tae Bo regularly as well as self-defense. After the attack which she endured for 15 minutes, she kept asking herself how she couldn’t get him off of her. She was positive she made contact over and over again with his head, but it made no difference on the attack except to get him more angry.  Anything women rely on to protect us must be effective regardless of our physical strength. Firearms and other helpful weapons such as a long-distance pepper spray and perhaps an Asp are necessary to provide that distance.

Are there any other items related to self-defense I should have on hand in my home, in my car, or in my purse?

These suggestions are subject to the laws of a person’s state, but my second favorite “weapon” is my Asp. Then my long-distance pepper spray, which is a red dye like they use in bank robberies to mark the currency. The red dye will mark the perpetrator for 2 weeks, making it easier for a successful arrest. Cell phones should not be underestimated. Keep them if for no other reason than being able to call for help or lead detectives to you through triangulation.

Other than that, it’s important we learn to use what we have on hand to defend ourselves if necessary. Our car keys, the heels of our shoes, our belts, and the strap on our purses which can effectively be used to strangle in a close encounter. The mirrors and glass-covered pictures in our home can be used to our advantage as well if we rehearse with them. I also think it’s a necessary precaution to explore your home at night in the dark. A woman’s familiarity with her home will be a great advantage to her in the event of trouble – even if it’s a house fire.

I can’t say enough how important it is to do “rehearsals” with your kids as well. They can be a serious liability to mothers if they aren’t trained properly as they are usually the obvious pawn of leverage against women.

Oh, and I think there’s a lot of value to having a well-trained dog for extra security.

What are the 3 biggest mistakes you see women make when it comes to being safe?

#1 is definitely disengaging from their environment. A woman who stays aware of her surroundings is much more powerful than a woman with a body like Angelina Jolie armed to the hilt. It’s a deterrent to would-be attackers.

#2 is not creating a proactive environment of safety. Every time you come home the door should be locked behind you, for example. A knock on the door means quietly approach the door first, look through the peephole and then decide if you’re going to inquire as to who’s there. Just because a person knocks on your door doesn’t mean you’re obligated to open it.

#3 is failing to educate their children out of a fear of upsetting them. I assure you that a child having to witness the abuse or rape of his mom is a LOT more upsetting to them than seeing Mommy stand up for herself and decidedly and competently fighting back. If you don’t educate your children about real life safety, then you’ve surrendered one of them to a perpetrator before the battle even begins.

What 3 pieces of advice would you give women in terms of self-defense?

#1: Whatever you choose to be your tool of self-defense, make sure you devote at least as much time to mastering it as you would programming your new cell phone.  Seriously, we simply can’t afford to underestimate the distraction of the adrenaline rush. Just as a military medic gets to the point he doesn’t even think of the bullets and the bodily fluids, because he’s trained to jump into action and do his job. If we women can turn off the noise of “Mom! Mom. Mom? Mom!! MOM!” then we can focus on defending ourselves when the time approaches.

#2: There are no victims—only volunteers. We are naturally inclined to be a little warmer, more emotional, kinder and naturally caring. Defending ourselves against harm does not change any of that. We women must take personal responsibility for our safety and protection. There’s only one consequence for denying that responsibility, and it’s not pretty. While I may be married to a modern-day Prince Charming, he simply is not around all of the time, neither are the police, etc. We simply cannot delegate to someone else to protect us and we are ENTITLED to protect ourselves. If we’re serious about loving the important people in our lives, then we need to be serious about protecting them and ourselves as well.

#3: Sadly, women are the strongest advocates against the existence of firearms in our nation, and yet they are the ones who can be best served by them when used with competence because regardless of our physical shape or health, they are the great equalizer. As long as we continue to fear and loathe them, we will continue to find ourselves the brunt of the violence as we’re viewed as a weak target. Instead of men seeing women as a target, I hope that I will live to see a day in which each and every criminal who’s pondering his next prey will stop and second-guess themselves – thinking, “Wait a minute. What if she’s prepared to kill me in protection of her life?” Our entire nation would benefit greatly by more mama bears in our communities and less frenzied little hens.

Over the last year I have been contacted by numerous women considering taking this path and I am always happy to discuss. Lately, I have been contacted multiple times by different CrossFit coaches whose clients have come to them wanting to discuss post-surgery recovery and exercise. In each case, these women were told by their doctors they could not lift weights or elevate their heart rates for three months post augmentation surgery.

So, I am writing this blog to share about my recovery – which is by no means official medical advice – and to hopefully help some other women out there have as positive of an experience as I have had.

Doctor Choice

First off, there is something you can do before surgery to aid with recovery — I cannot stress how important it is to be on the same wavelength with your doctor. If your doctor tells you you cannot exercise for three months and this horrifies you, that tells me you and your doctor are not of the same mind and end goals. Take your time finding a doctor. If you can, find fellow athlete women who have had the procedure and find out who their doctors are. That’s what I did and I felt very confident my doctor understood my priorities and my lifestyle — I knew it was important to HIM that I be able to exercise and continue being athletic.

Why Do Doctors Say 3 Months?

This is how my doctor, who is one of the top cosmetic surgeons in Beverly Hills, explained it to me. Basically doctors just want to cover their butts and not get sued. There is  a condition that can happen with breast implants called “capsular contracture,” which if you have had consultations with surgeons you have hopefully already been told about. Basically the capsule of scar tissue that forms around the implant (which occurs in all implants and is totally normal) starts to harden and contract. Once it happens it is difficult to fix and requires more surgeries. As my surgeon explained, there really is no link between exercise and capsular contracture, but doctors don’t want to risk being blamed for telling someone to work out and having a lawyer somehow link all of it together. If someone is going to experience capsular contracture studies have shown it is going to happen whether you exercise or not – you’re just prone to it.

So When Can You Work Out?

Personally – I was back to working out (modified) 7 days after my surgery. My doctor asked that I not do upper body exercises for 2 weeks and that was his only request. Otherwise, he told me to do anything that felt okay and didn’t cause pain. I was running again in 2 weeks and back to normal weight lifting within a month.

I healed really fast which I credit both to my amazing doctor and also that I was in peak condition going into the surgery. I couldn’t do anything involving my chest muscles for a while and I couldn’t run at first either. Push ups were the last thing I was able to do again and it partly had to do with pain and partly  because it just felt really weird and, quite frankly, sometimes still does.

As a Coach, What Do You Tell Your Student?

As a coach, I treat it like a pregnant client — basic rule of thumb is, if it hurts or feels unnervingly uncomfortable, don’t do it. Depending on the incision site, that could mean different things — I had them put in through my armpits, so I couldn’t lift my arms up overhead for a few weeks without pain because all the muscle between my armpit and ribcage had been lifted from my chest wall and need to heal/adhere back down.

I did lots of other things, though – rowing was great, situps were fine, squats and anything lower body, box step ups, etc. The hard things at first were anything too jarring (jumping, running) and anything that engaged the pecs.

Other Considerations

One other thing to keep in mind in regards to working out — your surgeon will put you on steroids after her surgery to help your recovery. So, if you work out, drink a LOT of water to avoid muscle cramping. I literally had a calf cramp for two weeks straight – I think that was more annoying than the surgery recovery!

For anyone who is considering breast augmentation or any coaches who have questions, feel free to contact me anytime. I am more than happy to share my experience.

If you are curious about my surgeon, his name is Dr. Minniti.

I thought it would be interesting to talk to Josh for Mouths of Men, given that he has coaches many high level female fighters over the years.

In your opinion, what makes a woman beautiful?

For me it’s a blend of confidence, smarts, humor and sexuality topped off with that thing about them you just can’t put your finger on. I think it’s something you notice right away, as well. In terms or shear physical attributes I’d have to say I am an ass man. A nice behind is the kind of thing you either have or you don’t. Call it “the foundation.” Ha. Overall, though, I am an unabashed connoisseur of the female form.

Do you think it’s hard for men to see women as both physically strong and beautiful? Why?

It is and I know it is by conversations I have had with other men about dating strong women, especially physically. I won’t play dime-store psychology here and attribute it to some psychological condition having to “Viss your muzzah,” but I’ll say that to many men a woman of high physicality and hardness doesn’t appeal to their ideals of what femininity is. Some go as so far as to make it an issue of their own sexuality being endangered by the aspect of what they perceive as male characteristics in a woman.

I myself have never had any issues with this and have dated many athletic women. When I mean athletic I mean ripped, lean, dead lifting 405lbs, or fighters, etc. Hardcore athletes. No matter how strong or physical these women were I never felt my masculine sexuality at risk, nor that I would be eclipsed in some way by them in terms of strength or physicality. Honestly, I find athleticism can be very attractive and let’s face it, sex is physical, too. If they can’t keep up, well, no use for that in my life. Hahaha!

Would you date (or would you have dated) a girl with ripped arms and a six pack? Is there a point where it’s too much?

Several women I have dated have had six packs for days and have almost shamed me into keeping my shirt on and arms hidden around them. LOL. I have also dated women who were heavily tattooed, pierced, black, mixed, Asian, short, tall and so on. I’ve always had a very broad and open mind to what I find appealing. I am sure for anyone there is a point when things have gone too far and I think that’s truly an issue of “Beauty’s in the eye of the beholder.”

I don’t see why anyone would want to go to extreme lengths to make themselves outlandish with such a drastic course of action, but to each their own. Anyone I date I know I wouldn’t be dating them if I didn’t find them attractive. Even still, the thing about physical beauty I have found is that no matter how gorgeous someone may be that doesn’t mean that they are sexy. Being sexy to me isn’t a physical state but an attitude and how one carries themselves. Being hot physically is one thing, but being sexy is harder to find and in my opinion more valuable and not reliant on a particular physical trait or traits.

What percentage intelligence and what percentage beauty would your ideal woman be? (i.e. 50% each, 90% hot, etc)

They need them both and I don’t see a reason why they couldn’t have both. I know I have met plenty of women that do and I wouldn’t settle for anything less. Without intelligence I wouldn’t bother to “date” someone nor would I if I didn’t find them not just attractive but sexy, hot.

Has your appreciation for beauty and/or intelligence in a woman changed as you have gotten older?

Sure but then all of our ideas about such things change with age whether someone would say it was for the better or worse. I will say I have placed much more emphasis on the intelligence portion of things as at 33 as I don’t have the want to hang around someone I can’t converse with on a similar level. I think that social expectations of relationships as one gets older play a large factor in this for most as well.

Describe your ideal woman in one sentence.

The one that makes you dream about her even while I lie next to her at night.

Sometimes being “old fashioned” can be a good thing. Are there any aspects of a woman that you prefer to be old-fashioned?

Old fashioned is really relative, but I appreciate a woman who allows a man to be a man. Men and women often don’t understand one another very well, but there are things that women should pay attention to to make sure not to take away his self-respect and respect publicly and socially. That may mean allowing him to act in a way that it may not be the way you would do things, but to allow him to do so anyways. Men and women have their characteristics and even if we don’t “get it” necessarily we still need to be allowed to be who we are.

Men need to allow women to be themselves and to be treated with respect. A man’s actions should help a woman to feel just that: like a woman. No matter how athletic she may be that doesn’t mean she wants to be treated like a man or that she has abandoned her femininity.

Have you ever been intimidated by a woman?

Women were very intimidating to me as a kid but that really had more to do with my own self esteem than a woman’s “aura”. I couldn’t talk to them let alone ask one out or make a move on a girl. Those were dark days for dating. Haha! Reading ton’s of comics and playing Dungeons & Dragons I am sure didn’t help.

Women can still make me feel clumsy, nervous or even speechless but intimidated isn’t one of them. Now if they were pointing a Gatling gun at me I might pee myself just a little.

Have you ever been inspired by a woman?

Absolutely. From my fighters I’ve trained to other athletes, writers, artists. Inspiration doesn’t know gender.

What would you do if your daughter came home as a teenager, dating a guy who was like YOU as a teenager?

HA! If I had a teenage daughter she’d never come home with a guy like me because he’d be too scared to talk to her!

What single piece of advice would you give women when it comes to men?

Above all, be true to yourself and what you believe and you’ll likely never steer yourself too wrong. People think of you what you think of yourself.

For more on Josh, visit his website at www.joshbarnett.tv.

And what is it that has settled? Well, it’s me. Two months ago I was offered a full-time job in Portland, Oregon. I have been in love with Oregon for years. I first started traveling up here in 2004 to work on MMA fight shows and I loved it since the first time I set foot here.

It was and it wasn’t hard to leave LA. I had lived there for nearly 15 years, but it had ceased to be the place for me.

There were a lot of ups and downs. A lot of tears and hugs. For the most part I stayed true to my commitment to myself and made sure the move was fun. There were moments when I was not sure I would rent my apartment, moments when I realized how much I would miss my job, friends and students, and moments where it just seemed no matter how much I packed it would never be done.

But, it was a bit like ripping off a Band-Aid — once it was done, I forgot the pain. Once I hit the road that Saturday afternoon and started my three day drive to Portland, it all got so much simpler.

And my first week here was good.

Last Monday I rolled into town and half a dozen friends showed up to help me unload the POD. My friend April at one point turned to me and said, “This is an eclectic group.” Indeed it was. There was April, the skydiving barista, whom I had met just once before at her coffee shop at the suggestion of a Facebook friend, and there was her boyfriend whom I had never met. There was Ken, whom I have known for maybe eight years, but mostly through the internet.  There was Reese, a friend through a mutual acquaintance in the MMA world. There was J.D. and we met only a couple months earlier, a little through the World Domination Summit and a little through CrossFit. And there was Kathy, a friend I have known since high school in Michigan and somehow now nearly 20 years later we live less than a mile apart.

By the time we put everything in the apartment there was so little room we stood the couch on end. Reese asked me the next day how it was to sleep in the fetal position curled up between the boxes.  All week I did nothing but unpack, shove furniture around, breakdown boxes and run to the store for odds and ends.

By Thursday night I was organized enough I could actually buy groceries and prepare myself food. By Friday night I hit Happy Hour with the girls from work. Saturday night I trekked down to Lake Oswego to hang out with my friend John, an old friend from 10^th Planet Jiu Jitsu, many years ago. On Sunday Kathy and I biked 12 miles around town, practicing getting me to work and back and doing a lap of the Sunday Parkways.

I don’t feel new here, I guess is what I am trying to say. It feels right. It feels right each time the plane has touched down. It feels right when I drive my car. It feels right when I ride my bike. I love my apartment. I love my job. I love all the friends I have here and the new ones I am making. It feels like my town. It even rained for me.

It was less than a year ago I made the commitment to move here, my 18 month plan. It was less than two months ago the job offer came out of nowhere. It was less than two week ago I arrived here for good.

It took a 953 mile drive, but I made it home.

Val is passionate about sharing BJJ with other women and does so as one of the head instructors of the Women’s Grappling Camp.

And Val also has an awesome sense of humor, so it’s a pleasure to share her wit with you.

Do you think it’s hard for people to see women as both physically strong and beautiful? Why?

I do think it’s difficult, though I also think that is changing as women become more prominent in domains like mixed martial arts and CrossFit. More and more women are drawn to those domains, perhaps precisely because they get to give expression to their inner badassery in addition to those facets of them that are more traditionally perceived to be feminine.

I think it’s difficult for people to “allow” women to be both strong and beautiful because we are reacting to a long history of damsel in distress-type stories and expectations. For instance, not too long ago I was watching Lady and the Tramp with my nephew, and when Lady was being menaced by some mean dogs, Tramp saved her by chasing them away. Don’t get me wrong. That was nice of Tramp and all, and I would not refuse help in that situation. But Lady just hid behind a wall rather than helping to protect herself while Tramp did all the work. And this is just one example of how we tend to reinforce, at a very early age, stereotypes about men and women, particularly that women need saving and that men are the ones to fill the need. Even in the animal kingdom! Tramp is brash and brave, while Lady is dainty and demure. (I am no Lady; I would have scarfed down that meatball toute de suite instead of blushing prettily at it. Just sayin’.)

What about being seen as beautiful and smart? Do you think women sometimes think they can’t be both?

I’ll go you a step further. I associate humor with intelligence, and to me, the demonstration of a good sense of humor correlates with a decent level of smarts. And I identify myself as a fairly witty person (at least, I find myself pretty hilarious. Don’t tell me if I’m the only one who does). And it seems that women tend to be seen as either humorous (e.g., the wacky, loud, opinionated sidekick) or attractive (e.g., the beautiful leading lady), but it is kind of rare for women to be able to be perceived as both.

Again, that is changing, thankfully. Women like Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph, Whitney Cummings, Kristen Wiig, Kaitlin Olson, Aisha Tyler, etc, are both hilariously funny and quite attractive, and it seems like maybe the world is starting to make room for women to be beautiful, strong, intelligent, AND funny, the whole nine yards. It seems like we’re at some kind of turning point culturally, which is great. And probably confusing. But that’s a different conversation.

Have you ever felt judged for being too pretty or too athletic, by either men or women?

I don’t think I’ve ever been judged for being too pretty! I imagine it is a real issue for some women, but see above; I have always identified as the funny one, or one of the funny ones, and in retrospect, perhaps that has affected the way people have perceived me aesthetically. In terms of being judged as too athletic, the choices I have made in recent years to become basically a full-time grappler and CrossFit/strength training enthusiast have caused definite changes in my physique, to the point where some of the guys I train with have pulled me aside to ask if I’m on the juice. Obviously, this is the question that every woman dreams of being asked, right behind “Does this look infected?” and “Are you gonna eat that?”

Granted, I have spent the past 13 years working on improving my ability to physically dominate another person, and the past 4 years working on picking up heavier and heavier things. So this combination can definitely affect how I feel about myself, given that my interests and goals may seem to be more along the lines of what men find interesting.

How do you deal with keeping up your feminine side while being an athlete?

I cry a lot.

Seriously, I think about this quite a lot, actually. I keep my hair long, and every now and then I’ll get a pedicure or put on makeup, but in addition to the external things, I have worked very hard to make peace with the fact that there is no right or wrong way to express femininity. I love what I do and am grateful that I get the opportunity to do it, because trying to live up to the challenges and requirements of BJJ and CrossFit make me a much better version of myself than I would able to be if I did not do them. (Translation: I am much less of an a**hole when I train than when I don’t.) I understand that this puts me in situations where feminine energy is kind of put on the back burner, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to do them. I just try to be myself, and to celebrate that I have gotten to a point where I like who I am, that I am a woman, and that my ways of expressing my woman-ness are valid ones for me even if they aren’t common ones for women—yet.

And happily, it seems I am able to clean up fairly nicely, as evidenced by the reaction I got at a wedding I went to recently. I was wearing a nice dress, heels, updo, etc. The people who were there who usually see me on a grappling mat or all chalked up and in my weightlifting shoes didn’t recognize me at first, but then I got several thumbs up.

What is your favorite part of being a woman?

I do get to run the gamut of emotions more than men traditionally feel comfortable doing. I’ve even worked on expressing anger; I think historically women have not really felt okay getting pissed off, but that is changing too. And while I don’t LIKE to cry or be upset, the fact that I am able to means that I feel the feelings and then I move on, rather than burying them or letting them fester, where they will come out in some other way.

What is the hardest part about being a woman?

Long lines for public restrooms or having to answer the call of nature while actually in nature. And notwithstanding my comments about identifying as a funny person, I’m not even really joking that much. Another difficult thing, now that I’m getting older (I’ll be 41 in a couple months), is how much less okay the world seems to be with women aging than with men. I am in better shape and probably healthier now than I was 20 years ago, but I have committed the cardinal sin of spending more and more time on this earth, a sin that men seem to be able to be absolved of more easily.

Do you have any guilty girlie pleasures?

I have guilty pleasures: Ice cream. Judge Judy. Scrabble on Facebook. Naps. I don’t know if those are particularly girlie; as you have probably ascertained, I’m not the right person to ask about the relative girliness of such things. But they are my guilty pleasures, which makes them feminine, in my book.

Did you ever wish you weren’t a woman?

I haven’t wished I weren’t a woman, but I do wonder sometimes what my life would have been like if I had been a man, what things would have been easier, what things would have been more difficult.

Has being female ever held you back in any way? (career, sports, etc)

There are sexist people everywhere, in every domain—grappling, CrossFit, all the professional contexts I’ve ever worked in. And I have experienced some sexism in those domains. But those few negative experiences have been FAR overshadowed by the incredible support, love, and genuine investment in my development and well-being that countless people—men and women alike—have shown in all these domains. I have far more to be thankful for than I have to be bitter about. And when I do feel bitter, I check my own behavior, I check the other person’s behavior, and I try to talk it out.

How has being female been an advantage? (career, sports, etc)

I feel like being ME has been an advantage. A crazy confluence of events has led me to where I am today, and I’m a lucky DOB (as opposed to SOB). I have a wonderful family who support me no matter what crazy shenanigans I get myself into. I have had—and continue to have—amazing opportunities in school, in work, and in grappling and CrossFit to learn from people who are some of the best in the world at what they do. I have been able to take risks and make them work; I like to think I have taken advantage of most opportunities afforded to me, even when doing so has been scary. And since I am a woman, I have to imagine that some of the advantages I have experienced have had something to do with that. I just can’t separate out what is attributable to me being me and what is attributable to me being female.

If you could go back and give your 12 year old self one piece of advice, what would it be?

Everything I can think of has been said multiple times before. Be yourself. Live in the moment. Eat your vegetables (and that meatball). Even my favorite quote ever, from the movie Breaker Morant, which is “Live each day as if it’s your last, and one day you’ll be right” has been said a lot, if only by me. (And Breaker Morant.) So in addition to all of those, which I still believe fervently, I’d suggest to my 12-year-old self that she start paying attention to her intuition/inner voice and use it to guide her decisions, even if they seem crazy, ill-advised or unsupported by logic or evidence. Doing so will not make her unsafe, and it WILL get her closer to the most fulfilling life she can possibly imagine.

This has been my life for the last couple weeks. On August 20^th I will be getting in my car and driving to Portland, Oregon. Some of you know I visit Portland quite frequently, but this time, except for an occasional visit, I won’t be coming back.

I decided last November it was time to leave Los Angeles. I set my plans to leave in May 2012, when my apartment lease was up. I had come to the realization I wanted three things in life. I wanted to be three things specifically – a writer, a wife, a mom. For me, living in Los Angeles would not fulfill on these dreams. I want my kids to have a yard and trees like I did as a child. I want to live somewhere it is feasible for me to own a house. And, I miss the rain and green things.

I started taking side work as a freelance writer. I launched this website. I started taking reconnaissance trips to Portland to lay the groundwork for my life there. Then, earlier this month, I was offered a dream job completely out of the blue. I was not looking, it just showed up. One of the companies I have been freelancing for just happened to be based in Portland and they offered me a full-time position. I start my job August 1^st and my title is “Resident Writer.”

In a very short period of time my life was turned upside down. It became very complicated, but complicated in pursuit of the simple. One of the first things I did when my new job became official was start quitting things here in LA. I quit my other freelance jobs. I quit my kickboxing school. I quit my job working on an MMA fight promotion. I quit my dentist. I spent an hour calling and emailing people telling them what I could not do.

It was quite possibly the most fun I have had in a long time.

It felt good to streamline. I realized the best part is I get to choose what I put back in. Of course, I always had that choice, but picking up things here and there along the way you don’t realize what a clutter you have made of your life. Now I get to be intentional.

When this moving process began I made two commitments to myself.

1. This is going to be fun.
2. I am not joining anything new until September.

Packing is fun. I don’t say that facetiously. Packing is fun. I love throwing things out and donating to Goodwill. I am going to have a party to pack up the POD come moving day. I am truly looking forward to the sixteen hour drive. I am going to have two and a half days to do it and take my time. Provided my cats don’t meow in the back seat the whole way.

I have a list of projects on the backburner. Things I will consider taking on once I settle into my life in Portland. Not until September, however. And even then, I am committed to my life having time for reading, for tea, for gardening, for aimless weekend trips around the Pacific Northwest, for sleeping in…and for working on the wife and mom goals.

He’s since gone on to become a respected commentator and analyst, on top of his fighting career.

Stephan is also known for his quirky sense of humor and accordingly recently started up a clothing line, Trash Talking Kids, parodying MMA fighters.

So, what does a witty guy who punches people for a living think about the ladies?

In your opinion, what makes a woman beautiful?

Honestly, it’s mostly personality, attitude, and a nice smile.

Do you think it’s hard for men to see women as both physically strong and beautiful? Why?

No, hot chicks can be strong. Look at Gina Carano!

Would you date (or would you have dated) a girl with ripped arms and a six pack? Is there a point where it’s too much?

Yes, I have. I guess it’s too much when the face starts getting manly.

What percentage intelligence and what percentage beauty would your ideal woman be? (i.e. 50% each, 90% hot, etc)

I’d say at least 50/50, but I guess there’s a little more than intelligence and beauty. A woman can be a very intelligent and gorgeous, mean bitch. So, maybe throw some sense of humor and compassion in there with a good heart first and foremost. Then the less important stuff like intelligence and beauty, and there’s the ideal woman.

Has your appreciation for beauty and/or intelligence in a woman changed as you have gotten older?

Not really. Just being kind, loving, and personable does so much to make a woman attractive.

Describe your ideal woman in one sentence.

Look at the above answer. Kind, loving, personable, smart, good sense of humor and smile, loves animals. Usually animal lovers are warm, with good hearts.

Sometimes being “old fashioned” can be a good thing. Are there any aspects of a woman that you prefer to be old-fashioned?

I guess old fashioned women do bring good moral values to the table. I certainly don’t mind a woman being old fashioned. If a woman is down with cooking and cleaning that’s definitely a plus in my book. Honestly, if she doesn’t work and you are supporting her, then a little cooking and cleaning isn’t too much to ask, right?

Have you ever been intimidated by a woman?

Yes, all the time. Ask my wife. Intimidation is one of her specialties

Have you ever been inspired by a woman?

Yes, I’ve always been inspired by great ladies like Mother Theresa and Eleanor Roosevelt.

What would you do if your daughter came home as a teenager, dating a guy who was like YOU as a teenager?

Boy, oh boy. Young boys just have too much baby batter on their brains. It’s not their fault. I’d probably just go nuts & get committed to the rubber room

What single piece of advice would you give women when it comes to men?

I’d say to women: Go with the guy who likes you and treats you well! I swear, when you’re into a girl and let her know it, it’s a turn off. Women seem to want what they can’t have. Once you’re over her and moving on, suddenly she’s crazy about you. Screw the chase; screw mind games. Do you really want to always be longing for something that eludes you? That’s no fun. Give the nice guy who’s crazy about you a chance and let him treat you like a princess. That’s my advice.

But, working out together isn’t always so easy. And, to be frank, some couples are better at it than others.

At my gym I see a few different types of scenarios:

Overprotective Guy & Annoyed Gal – Guys are built to protect women. They just are. Some of them, however, are better at mediating their caveman ways than others. When I see couples in this scenario the guy is typically trying to teach his girlfriend/wife how to do all the movements, handing her the lightest weights, and over-coaching her. She then gets annoyed and tries to ignore him, which only causes him to coach more.

In general when I see this couple, I send them to opposite ends of the room and tell him he’s not allowed to coach her anymore. He’ll spend the rest of the workout peering over his shoulder checking on her and she’ll spend the rest of the workout oblivious to his presence in the room.

Bad-Ass Chica & Frequently Injured Guy – Like I said, I love couples who share a love for working out and especially the intense working out that comes with CrossFit. As anyone who follows CrossFit knows, though, there are women who really take to it and excel. Personally I think this has something to do with women not growing up trying to “muscle” their way through things and focusing instead on technique and finesse. On the flip side, guys with athletic backgrounds will come in with mobility issues and injuries and want to use heavy weights even when it’s not yet appropriate. They let their egos come into play a little more than women do.

So with these couples, when the girlfriends or wives start kicking major butt…suddenly we start seeing the guys less and less often. The female becomes hooked and the guy has too much work, too many injuries, or has another sport he wants to focus on. These are the sort of couples I think are actually best not working out together. Sometimes a thing is best shared by doing it separately.

Wonder Woman & Superman – I love these couples. These are the couples who are competitive, but in a supportive and productive way. They drive each other to be superheroes and are inspired by each other’s accomplishments. Sure, they probably talk some mad smack over the dinner table, but they do it because they love working out and they know it’s about having fun and becoming better athletes. They know their partner’s success is not a statement about them, instead they treat it with admiration. And on the days when we do partner or team workouts and these couples work out as a unit – all bets are off because their superpowers magnify when they are a unified front!

What’s even better is when these superhero couples bring their future firebreathers to my children’s classes. The only thing better than seeing a couple work out together in a positive, productive manner is seeing a whole family make it a priority and have FUN!

Do you work out with your significant other? Do you see yourself in one of these descriptions? Maybe you are not too excited about how things currently are when you work out with your girlfriend or boyfriend, but it doesn’t have to be that way. With some communication and reminding ourselves that other people’s successes don’t mean anything about us – that we can all succeed and the comparisons we imagine are only in our minds – then we can truly enjoy prioritizing health and fitness in our lives and share it with the people most important to us. The people with whom we’re actually going to share all these hard earned healthy happy years.